What would inspire a man to give up his job? Lie to his friends? Avoid his parents? Con his girlfriend? And shell out tens of thousands of his own cash? Only to spend months in a darkened room in South London, looking for the money shot and hanging out with people named after puns?'Anonymous' never thought he would become a porn director. His dad's a vicar and his mother bakes cakes for the WI. But when his career as a session musician stalls, he decides it's time for plan B. So begins his first year as a rookie director. Trying to film a secret orgy in a five-star hotel can be tricky, especially when a plane load of flight attendants try and join in. Then there's your temperamental cameraman and the porn star who can't get it up. And when exactly is the right time to tell your gorgeous but sensitive girlfriend what you really do for a living? Full of hilarious and downright eye-popping stories, TOUCH WOOD is the first book to expose the secret world of the UK porn industry. Shocking and deliciously naughty, it is very, very funny and sure to keep you up all night . . .